This evening, I found myself taking a bit of time reflecting on “Toward the Goal”… this blog… this site… the Scripture from which it derives its namesake… the verse that I believe really kind of encapsulates my life.
I found myself wondering… if “forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead”… “press[ing] on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus” is what my life is about… why then do I seem to be spinning my wheels of faith so often?
Why has it been so difficult to pray recently? Why is opening God’s word and devouring it in eager expectation of being fed such a struggle? Why has it been so hard to stay positive about my church’s future? Why has envy (and maybe even a hint of bitterness) been creeping into my thoughts about the excitement building at Micah’s new church? Why have my thoughts about Missouri Baptists and their conflicts been filled with cynicism? Why do I feel so frustrated with my seeming lack of faith?
Answers are hard to come by.
In looking at the surrounding text in Philippians, I see Paul in chains for the gospel… writing about the joy he has in knowing that the gospel progresses despite his imprisonment. I see him urging believers to conduct themselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. I see him urging believers to look past selfish interests and to focus on the interests of others. I see him commanding believers to do everything without complaining or arguing. I see him expressing the magnitude of his hope in Jesus… that he considers everything loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ. I see him urging believers to follow his example, focusing on our heavenly citizenship. And yes… I see him pressing on toward the goal… to follow Jesus wholeheartedly, that God might be honored and glorified.
I wonder how he did it.
You see, to me, Paul seems like such an amazing believer (and no doubt, he was). He went when God told him to go. He spoke when God told him to speak. He expressed joy when pain was ever present.
He practiced Christianity the way God intended.
I wonder… where does that kind of fervent faith come from? Why is it so hard to emulate? Does anyone REALLY have that kind of faith?
Again, I don’t have much in the way of answers. I do wonder, however… is my mind set on earthly things, as Paul writes in Philippians 3:19? Am I simply a casual Christian? Am I too, a practical atheist? Or am I expecting too much of myself?
I honestly don’t know what to think sometimes, but I do know this… I’m tired of the struggle. If I’m going to profess that Philippians 3:13-14 is my life’s theme, well… it’s time to put up or shut up.
Anyone feel the same way?
John-
Do you think maybe the reason that so many of us struggle with that is that we think we need certain “things” and/or “situations” to satisfy us? Do you think we need to settle on Jesus being enough? I wonder. I know that I often have the same type of feelings that you are struggling with and I feel like, for probably 7 years now, God has been trying to teach me to find my happiness in my Savior rather than my circumstances. It’s much more difficult to do than to say, however. I wonder if the reason it’s such a struggle is because we do have so much?
I’m not sure that I know the answer.
I don’t know, Micah. Personally, I don’t think the biggest struggle for me is happiness about situation (it’s one of them from time to time, but not consistently). My life is pretty stinking good, if I’m perfectly honest with myself. I’ve got a great job… great family… great church… great friends… I really have nothing with which to be dissatisfied.
For me, the struggle seems to be in just exercising my faith in the middle of all of that… in following through with prayer and Bible study… in making the effort to love and care for others the way I should… in doing those things I know God wants me to do with my church responsibilities.
I wonder if it’s my focus that’s lacking, my discipline… or maybe even simply that my expectations for myself are unrealistically high.
I’m sure complacency plays a part, almost undoubtedly. We’re all pretty fat and happy for the most part, and often times, I think it lulls us to sleep.
All that aside, though, I’m not sure I really understand why all the “head knowledge” we have about Christianity doesn’t translate easily into “heart knowledge” and thus action. It’s the whole “practical atheist” thing… does my life really demonstrate what I profess to believe, or is the evidence that Christ is my all in all wholly lacking?