When Words Won’t Come…

If you’ve known me for very long, you’re reading the title of this blog post and thinking, “Yeah, right. When words won’t come? John?”

I admit, those thoughts are well-founded. Words generally come pretty easily to me. And in GREAT volume.

My mom said it best once (I don’t know if this is a direct quote, but it’s close): “John, you were late starting to talk. But you’ve been playing catch-up ever since.”

Unfortunately, it’s true. I’m a talker. I’m overly verbose. Even e-mails get far too long too quickly (ask my poor soccer parents).

I just generally don’t have much issue coming up with something to say.

This morning, though? Words wouldn’t come. They couldn’t… as if stuck somewhere in my throat. I couldn’t vocalize what I felt… couldn’t put into words the thoughts and emotions running through my mind. Could barely even speak.

Prayer was HARD. Venting vertically (check my twitter feed for the source on that), nearly impossible.

Why? My heart was in agony over a little girl I’ve grown to love in Guatemala. A girl who told me I was like a dad to her. An orphan. Fatherless. A child I’d adopt in a heartbeat if permitted.

You see, I found out her story last night. I knew she was at Casa de Mi Padre for a reason. But to finally KNOW what she’s been through… almost too much for me to handle.

Tears were shed as I read what she’d been through. Nancy warned me that I didn’t want to know. But I had to. And she was right.

I went to bed depressed. Angry. Helpless. Hurting. Unable to process her story. Wanting her to know God’s love and comfort. Unable to vocalize anything to Him.

I tried again this morning on the way to work. I still couldn’t form adequate words.

This morning, I much more fully understood Romans 8:26-27:

²⁶In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. ²⁷And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God’s will.

When all we can pray is, “oh God.” “Please God.” “Help God.”

When all we have to offer is sobbing and tears.

When words won’t come.

The Spirit moves.

God hears.

He works.

Let me tell you, I am SO thankful for a God that needs no words to be moved. For a God that understands even our groans. That intervenes when we need Him most.

I am SO thankful for a God that truly is, “Abba, Father.”