Yes, that title says “onosecond”… in case you’re not familiar with the term, it’s an “unword” meaning, “the length of time one spends between pressing the send button on a message and realizing that they shouldn’t have sent it” (pronounced “OH NO SECOND”).
There’s another definition that I think is just as applicable (since it’s a made-up word, I guess I can make up a definition)… “the length of time one spends between saying something and realizing how stupid it was to say it”.
Where am I going with this? You got it… I experienced an onosecond tonight.
When I got home tonight, I noticed fresh footprints in the snow to our door. After getting warmed up a bit (it is COLD here today), I asked my wife if we had a visitor on this snowy December day. Turns out, the UPS guy delivered the Christmas present my wife had planned to give me. Well… my three year old son was close by during this conversation, and we involved him in it (he loves to tell me about his day). My wife asked him if we got a present for daddy today… she asked him if he helped wrap it… and as I asked him questions and talked about it with him, an onosecond came to pass.
I asked… “Can you tell me what my present is?”
You got it… in that onosecond… as my wife exclaimed, “NO! DON’T TELL!” and I realized what I had asked and tried to say something to prevent a response… he blurted it out.
Now… you’ve gotta love the honesty of little kids, but for once… I wish we hadn’t taught him so well. Quite frankly, I thought he understood the concept of keeping gifts secret (he and I had done some Christmas shopping for my wife this weekend, I emphasized “Don’t tell Mommy” many times then, and he has done a great job keeping the secret). Anyway… I expected a stern “NO, SILLY DADDY!” or something similarly cute. Unfortunately… that moment was doomed to be an onosecond.
So… yes, I now know what my Christmas present is… a fact of which I’m very much ashamed.
Anyway… a word to the wise: if you really don’t want an answer from a child, DON’T ASK!
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